Criminals in Love -- Audition pieces --Update Monday March 20th

1.
Junior: Will you marry me.
Gail: You just had a vision didn’t you. The two of us married and always together. Twenty-five or thirty years with your head under my sweater.
Junior: I dream about you. You’re my salvation.
Gail: I hate it when you say that. I don’t think you even know what it means.
Junior: You save me.
Gail: From what.
Junior: My true destiny.
Gail: Which is.
Junior: Fuck all
Gail: Pathetic. I hate it when you talk like this.
Junior: Fuck all is what I came from. Fuck all is where I’m going without you.
Gail: Just knock it off okay.
Junior: Why do you like me.
Gail: What.
Junior: I just want to know why you like me.
Gail: I love you, honey.
Junior: Because I love you probably.
Gail: Probably, yeah. You give me your full attention. The first time we kissed even. You threw your arms around me. Closed your eyes and just held on. It wasn’t the world’s greatest kiss, but I said to myself here’s a guy who can concentrate on what he’s doing.
Junior: Will you marry me.
Gail: When I get a job.
Junior: I’ve got a job.
Gail: I know you’ve got a job. I didn’t forget. The answer toy our question was when I get a job.
Junior: Why.
Gail: You know why. Why.
Junior: So you won’t have to be afraid I’ll fuck up
Gail: No, Jesus. Pathetic. Not that you won’t fuck up. Just so I’ll know there’s something I can do to control things. Keep things moving. Whatever happened.
Junior: Well whatever happens just has to be me fucking up. I’ve been thinking about it and there just isn’t anything else that can go wrong.
Gail: There are things in this world that are beyond your control. Your plant could close. You could be laid off. You should have voted to unionize that place you know.
Junior: You should go to university Gail. You’re smart enough to be anything.

2.
Henry: Do I know you…There’s something familiar about you.
William: I am a psychiatrist.
Henry: Oh. Well that’s good. I’m glad you’re here. Because they want to put me away for keeps. But I can be saved. I want to turn myself around. Society never gave me nothing but dirt. But I don’t want to hold a grudge no more. I want you to reach right inside my head, reach right inside and turn it around. I’m willing. I’m ready. I’m able.
William: Bullshit
Henry: No. Honest.
William: Bullshit
Henry: Ah, come on. Really. Honest. Give me a break. Don’t be cruel. Try me out.
William: You are a big stupid spit-spewing asshole. One of the world’s truly pathetic empty spaces. An enormous nothingness on legs. A total waste of time. Vomit. If I had a gun I’d shoot you.
Henry: I want another doctor.
William: Shut up. I warn you. If you make me angry I’ll kill you with my bare hands.
Henry: You’re a lousy psychiatrist. I’ve seen a few of them. And you are the worst.
William: It’s a lie, stupid. I told it so they would let me see you. Now shut up and listen. Your son was nearly killed two nights ago.
Henry: How do you know my son
William: Shut up. To be coerced into crime is one thing, to be coerced by incompetent fools is another. I could live a criminal life. I’ve seen the abyss. I’ve felt the pull. Even philosophically, I could come to terms with certain actions. Perhaps against large corrupt institutions. This is hypothetical. I don’t expect you to understand what I’m saying.
Henry: Thanks.
William: But to attempt to steal food from the Salvation Army headquarters is beneath contempt. Unjustifiable.
Henry: So Ritchie finally knocked over the Sally Ann. He’s been planning that job for two years.
William: Then he is, and this I find almost impossible to believe, more stupid than you are.
Henry [smiles]: Really. You think so.
William: Oh yes. Because in those two years he wasn’t even able to discover that the warehouse is guarded by two armed security men.
Henry: So Ritchie screwed up bad.
William: And your son was wounded.
Henry: That’s rough. I’m sorry. Tell him I’m sorry if you see him, will you. So Ritchie screwed up. So. So who’s the dumb fuck, eh. Tell me who the first place dumb fuck is in this family.
William: It’s a crowded field. Look for a photo finish.
Henry: What. Yeah. So you know my kid. Hey. Wait a minute. Now I know what’s familiar about you. It’s your clothes. They’re mine. You’re wearing my clothes. Where’d you get my clothes.
William: In your closet.
Henry: Hey, wait a minute. You were in my closet? You know my kid and you’re in my closet. What is this. Are you taking over my life. This is weird. That’s my life. Get your own.
William: You have no life. You have no son. Now shut up because you are starting to make me angry. I want you to get word to your brother. From now on we do things our way.

3.
Wineva: He’s the boss? (She starts to laugh. It’s a moderately high pitched laugh. She throws her head back. It gets deeper. She doubles up. And the voice plummets into a deep roaring sound. The rest of them back away a bit. She straightens suddenly) He’s the boss when I need it that way. To push out front. To make introductions sometimes. Sometimes I let him plan something. The Salvation Army job was his. It had his stamp on it for sure. Pure fucking stupidity. He drools. He walks into walls. He reads five words an hour. I use him mostly when I want someone mauled. You annoy me anymore and you’ll meet him all right. I’ll have him come over here and set your clothes o fire. He likes shit like that. Maybe he’ll just molest you all. You keep annoying me and you’ll find out! Now, old-timer, you said you’ve got plans.