Trainspotting -- Audition pieces

This is a play about stories…people telling stories about their lives. So to give me an impression of your storytelling abilities, please prepare a story about your life. Make it no longer than about 5 minutes. But this story MUST start with the phrase ‘One time I got so drunk/stoned/high that…’ After all, this is a play about Scottish Heroin addicts. It can be sentimental, funny, sad, crazy, whatever you feel is entertaining. This is a requirement for EVERYONE coming out for ‘Trainspotting‘, so pleasepleaseplease do not act surprised/shocked if I ask you for it.

also
1.
Renton - I’m sitting in my apartment, curtains drawn, watching Chuck Norris kick the shite out of some tidy bastard, when Sick Boy starts to whine. I look over at him, and I can see the sweat beading on his face and arms. He’s got the sickness, that’s for sure. Si starts pleading with me. He wants to see the Mother Superior, he NEEDS to see the Mother Superior. This was Johnny Swan. We called him Mother Superior on account of the length of his habit………get it? So Simon is whining that he’s sick and needs to see Swanny, but I’m content to just sit here and watch Chuck polish off this tidy cunt in the video. It’s nothing personal, he just doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. ‘Cause I know if it were different, Si would do the same to me.

2.
Begbie (drinking a pint) - Didja hear what happened? Last week, down at pub, Tommy and I were sitting playing stick. Now, I am playing absofuckinglutely GENIUS, this wee cunt could not hit shite to save his life. So I’m knocking his in as WELL as mine, just so he thinks he’s not getting embarrassed ‘n all. Then, this hard-looking cunt sits down by the bar and starts eyeing us. Now, I’m no looking for trouble, so I tries to ignore it. But he keeps LOOKING at us, daring is over ‘n all. So I put my cue down, walk over and say ‘Alright then cunt, square go!’ And what does he do, this hard cunt…or SO-CALLED hard cunt? SHITES it…puts down his pint and walks out the pub! And after that,…the game was mine! (throws pint glass off the balcony)

3.
Ali - I hate tourists. The only thing I hate more than tourists are how the LOCALS start to act when there ARE tourists around. It’s like they suddenly feel the urge to let their inner arseholes show and take it out on me and mine. I’m at the restaurant, I’ve been here most of the day, lunch is over, I’m tired, hungry and having my period…when a table of these ‘executive-types’ come in. Right away, I’m not looking forward to this. I go over to their table to take their order, and one smarmy, fat bastard asks ‘You on the menu love? I only go 30 quid, but I could go for a snack!’ All the other bastards at the table think this is the funniest thing they ever heard. I brush it off, take their orders and go to the back. Tears are streaming down my face. I don’t know why this bothers me so much. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve dealt with people like this. I decide to give them something special, something to remember them by. I don’t remember which one got the rat poison, but they’ll remember. It wasn’t like I wanted to kill anyone, just make them sick enough to not come back. I guess it worked…

please note that Trainspotting's part in SDF 2006 is rights pending- aka if we can't get the rights to preform the show it will not be presented. we are working as quickly as we can to nail down rights for this play.